What I've Realized

I think it is this post that made me start blogging again. I wanted to share some thoughts, but I didn’t want to post them via facebook. This is what has been on my mind for the last month or so.

The other day I had an epiphany. I am not using this word because I think it sounds cool; I am using it for the dictionary definition which defines it as “the sudden realization or comprehension of the larger essence or meaning of something.” It came while watching CMT music videos and Martina McBride’s latest song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It.” The song tells the stories of cancer survivors and patients who come to realize just how much they are loved. Some explain that they were at first afraid of being a burden to those around them; however, they soon understand that those who love them are not burdened by their health. In fact, they rise to the occasion and strongly stand next to those that need them most.

I have come to understand just how much my family loves each other. I was shocked at the support I personally received in the last six months, and even more shocked by their love in the last month or two. Pre six months ago, I have never been on the active receiving end of family love. By this I mean that I have watched other family members experience pain, and I have struggled to let them know how much I love them and wish I could help more. I think it is harder to be loved than it is to give love. It is easy to love someone and to stand by them in their struggles. It is harder to be humble enough to accept help and love and then to turn around and try to make the givers understand just a small amount of your gratitude for not abandoning in times of need. It is much easier to love than to be loved.

I’ll be honest—I may or may not have gotten a tad teary eyed at the gym. I realized how much I have depended on those loving me, and how brave they are for doing so. I wish I could make them understand my gratitude.