Christmas Cake Pops

What on Earth would I do without Holidays?! No Halloween Cake Pops. No Christmas Cake Pops. No Valentine's Day Cake Pops. It would be sad.

That's a Santa hat. Probably won't try that one again

I have an amazing block of wood with specially designed and drilled holes that fit the exact width of my sticks, but it's in my room, and in the words of Halen, "Carlie, your room is a mess!!" My beautiful wooden block is currently lost in the layers of mess. Halen told me the Toy Man will come clean my room for me if I don't do it every Saturday like he does. 5 year old with way too much sass.

And we only had 1 casualty. Mallory said it looked like it was shot against the wall. Baking can get pretty gruesome sometimes!

8 Cell Phones Later

I stuck the sticky note to the back of my door with makeup, straightener, toothbrush/toothpaste, cell phone/charger and blanket written across it. A few hours later I bolted out of bed. Today was the day I had been waiting 18 years for. I was moving out! I got ready, double and triple checked my sticky note of last minute things to pack and headed out the door. Four hours later, I was crying as I watched my mom and dad leave me all alone in a city, not twice the size, but 200 times the size of my itty-bitty Paris Idaho.

That was exactly 3 years and 4 months ago. I still write sticky notes and put them on the back of my door as reminders. I don't double or triple check my packing anymore--even though I should. Provo is not that big, but Paris is that small! I don't cry when I leave home anymore, well, usually not. And I, and I, and I....what the hell have I been doing for 3 years?!

A few days ago it dawned on me that the morning I described earlier, which is still so vibrant in my memory, was over 3 years ago! I still think of myself as this young, lost and naive freshman, but that's not true. In fact, the current freshman are the high school students I taught in my 276R teaching class! That was a weird moment looking across the Cougar Eat and realizing that boy, who was once my student, is now my fellow BYU student.

To be honest, this made me sad. I felt like I hadn't done anything in the last three years. Then I made a list...

1. I have not dropped out of college despite my longing to do so.

2. I have not failed more than 2 college courses.

3. I have had a total of 7 hair colors including purple, blue and blonde.

4. I have moved 5 times.

5. I have traveled past northern Utah.

6. I have discovered the wonderful world of online shopping.

7. I have loved.

8. I have lost love.

9. I have gone to Canada.

10. I have seen Mexico.

11. I have changed interdepartmental jobs 3 times.

12. I have lost my testimony.

13. I have gained a stronger testimony.

14. I have watched every episode of House, Dexter and Cupcake Wars.

15. I have written more papers than I could count.

16. I have baked more cupcakes than I could count as well.

17. I have taught 7th grade, 8th grade, 9th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade and Sunday School, which was by far the scariest.

18. I have had 5 minors and only 1 major.

19. I have come to love my family more than I can explain.

20. I have not stopped wearing my boots, Carhartt coat or my 20 year old sweater no matter how socially unacceptable they are for Provo.

21. I have come to like a lot more people.

22. I have come to dislike a lot more people.

23. I have expanded my bookshelf by 4 times its original size.

24. I have been called to the Service Committee 4 times. 4. I'm not joking.

25. I have, at times, been entirely happy.

26. I have talked to God. Yelled at, laughed with, sworn at, followed closely, ignored completely, cried honestly and loved God. We have a roller coaster type of relationship.

27. I have never doubted that I want to teach.

28. I have gone through 8 cell phones.

29. I have completely trusted. Once.

30. I have had 3 good years.

Not-so-Patiently-being-Patient

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” ― Paulo Coelho,

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time.” ― Lewis Carroll

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” ― Aristotle

“Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.” ― Helen Keller

“Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is "timing" it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” ― Fulton J. Sheen

“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?” ― Lao Tzu

“Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.” ― Ambrose Bierce

“The Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”

“She was always waiting, it seemed to be her forte.” ― D.H. Lawrence

“Cooking is an art and patience a virtue... Careful shopping, fresh ingredients and an unhurried approach are nearly all you need. There is one more thing - love. Love for food and love for those you invite to your table. With a combination of these things you can be an artist - not perhaps in the representational style of a Dutch master, but rather more like Gauguin, the naïve, or Van Gogh, the impressionist. Plates or pictures of sunshine taste of happiness and love.” ― Keith Floyd

“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” ― Marvin J. Ashton

“How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success? ” ― Elbert Hubbard

Part-time

Today I realized my job is amazing. I love it. Sometimes, like today, when I can barely get myself out of bed and I feel like throwing up or crying (I can't distinguish between those two emotions), my job makes it better.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes my job causes me to want to throw up, but most days, it is my happy place.

I work with 20 someodd guys and a handful of girls, and I like/love them all (some more than others, and some barely at all, but I still like them).

They give some of the best advice ("If you love someone, you'll fight to make it work"), and some of the worst ("You have something called a conscience, listen to it as little as possible.").

At 7am this morning I felt like crawling up in the fetal position and not moving for several days, but by 8am I felt happy. Thank you, Patrick.

Times when I seriously consider dropping college or at least transfering, it is my job that keeps me going. At these times it usually the paycheck that makes me get back up at 5:50am the next morning.

I pull cables. I enter data. I create asset tracking bases. I pick up Steven's coat. I shut Justin's locker. I bring a little culture to their city ears with my country music.

I attend meetings. I cook turkeys. I troubleshoot internet connections. I clean the fish tank. I wear hard hats and steel toes. But the most important is . . .

I make friends.

Ode to My Handmixer

Twas a sad day indeed,

the day my Handmixer died.

Whirring on low it started to bleed.

I watched the beater jerk; I almost cried.

First, the left side quit

Then the right followed suit.

It choked and sputtered bit by bit,

Until it died altogether. I cried, "Oh shoot!"

I held you for five years.

I knew you, and you knew me.

We've had cheers and we've had tears.

I could always count on you as my devotee.

You have done much.

You creamed, and you mixed.

You were firm but soft to the touch.

You could sift, beat, puree but not be fixed.

I rolled up your cord;

I solemnly threw you away.

If I got married, I'd get a reward,

But a Kitchen Aid isn't worth a wedding day.

My Life in Music

I've already said that music is a big part of my life. Certain songs act as a sort of spark to times in my life. It's like looking at Oscar Wilde's play "Our Town" and in a minute I relive the last month of my senior year of high school. Or Cormac Mcarthy's book The Road. Whenever I see that book sitting on my shelf I think of the three days I spent in my bed reading it straight through. I literally didn't move. I skipped homework, church and school in order to just sit and read that book. Songs are the same way. Whenever I hear Taylor Swift's song "Teardrops on My Guitar" I smile at the now inconsequential, but at the time life-shattering, memories from high school crushes. Oh jeez.

One of my favorite questions to ask people is "What three songs describe your life right now?" Today I asked myself that question, and here is my answer.

School and work.

"Start a Band" by Brad Paisley and Keith Urban

Click here for lyrics

I wouldn't start a band though. I'd start a bakery/cafe, and I would love it!

Love

"Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles

The lyrics are the best part. Well, the last 30 seconds is actually the best :)

I found my Someday, and it felt good. (minute 3:08)

Life in General

"Raise Your Glass" by P!nk

She rhymes like me..."don't be fancy, just get dancey" Haha

I raise my glass to Life.

Today a glass slipped from my hand.

This was not at my command.

It fell to floor, smashing into shards.

They all brushed it off in disregard.

I, however, was embarrassed.

It was a moment that is rarest.

Someone gasped, someone yelled.

My hand, it has rebelled.

The glass had fallen and shattered.

No one cared, but to me it mattered.

It had long broken before I was aware;

that glass and my hand are past repair.

Today was a reminder that this is forever;

I am my own deserter.

70%

70's

70%

Seventy

8.366600265

1970

70 Percent

0.7

Book Block: Sibling Fights

Ha! I think the timing of this book block prompt is hilarious. Today my sister, Natalie, posted this picture, and I think it describes my sisters pretty well. We probably aren't funny to the rest of the world, but to each other we think we are top class comedians! :)

I am choosing my sister, Dayna, to help me with this post. She is exactly 2 years older than me, and together we are hilarious; however, when we were little we didn't always think so highly of each other. I have been told, but I do not believe any of it, that I would bite her all the time! Hard enough to bruise and draw blood sometimes. I think they are lying, but I do remember fighting with her over the TV years ago. I remember I was sitting on the far end of the old brown couches in our living room watching Scooby Doo (my favorite cartoon) when she decided she was going to take over the flipper (most people call a flipper a remote, but in my house we call it a flipper). Granted, I was probably on my fourth or fifth episode of Scooby, so she might have been justified in wanting a little variety, but I was not having any of that! We argued for awhile, and then she tried to grab the flipper from me. I remember watching her hands slip of the end of it, raising it in the air and purposefully popping her in the mouth with it! I must have hit her hard, because she started bleeding and crying. I felt so bad! I think I even cried with her! I don't recall ever hitting her again, well, on purpose anyways. :)

I have a few favorite memories with Dayna, and when we talk about them we usually end up laughing.

• Double Date...
• Tipping the dresser over on me
• Fencing in the snowstorm
• "Who is buried in Ulysses S Grants' grave?"
• "Peter, Peter! Wait till people get off!"
• Butt to butt, cheek to cheek
• Ozella's horn
• Scooootchy over!
  

Now I am sitting here laughing out loud and people think I am crazy!

Adios, Provo!

A couple weeks ago a friend asked if I wanted to go to Las Vegas for a weekend and see The Lion King on broadway. Of course! We got a couple other people together and planned to go this last weekend. It was a wonderful break from school and work! We left on Thursday afternoon in a very nice rental car, which made the long drive almost bearable. We stopped in St George and played around in Zions. It was beautiful! I have actually never traveled south of Springville/Provo area! I flew to Texas this last summer, but other than that I haven't seen much of the south west. Southern Utah was very pretty and still warm. We spent two days in Vegas, and I would love to go back again. A lot of people said that by the end of the first day you would just want to leave, but I can people watch for hours. I guess my mom didn't teach me not to stare at people! The first place we went was the Pawn Stars Shop, and it was pretty awesome. Every time I go home we have a Pawn Stars, Swamp People and Dancing with the Stars marathon. We watch all the episodes I've been

missing since last time I was home. I secretly love it, but don't tell my br

other or he'll make us watch Swamp People a
ll day long, and that could get old fast. Sadly, I did not see Chumlee working in the shop, but it was still worth a walk through of the store. Saturday night we saw the play, and it was so beautiful. There was so many colors and intricate details on the costumes. There was a little boy playing the young Simba, and he was only 9 years old! I couldn't believe that a 9 year old could remember all those lines and movements. My favorite part were the birds. They would swing the tall poles with colorful birds at the top, and at one point the whole theater was swirling with colorful birds. I loved it. We couldn't take pictures or anything, but it was so colorful and beautiful. It was looooong drive back home Sunday, and I think I slept for most of it. It was a great weekend. I did a lot of playing and am ready to finish out the semester now. :)

Oh! I got my grade back from my teaching block class, and, for once, I am no longer the bottom half that makes the top half possible. 98% A :D

The Book Block and Clyde

Last Christmas my roommate, Jas, gave me The Writer's Block. It is a wonderful little block book with 786 ideas to write about. I decided that this is a great time to start using it. The first page is a prompt asking the writer to describe their first brush with danger, so here goes.

The first memory I have of danger left an impact for sure. I don't think anyone ever forgets the first time they found themselves looking at the sky when only seconds ago they were sitting atop a horse. I loved days like that day so many years ago when Kendall Ward would trail his cows from Bloomington to Paris. It seemed like a long trail to me, but looking back now it was at most two miles with the majority being on highway, but from my young eyes I felt like I was John Wayne. I had to have been very young, since for the most part my dad was still leading my horse from his. I remember the rope even. It was a white, thick, cotton rope that was at least ten feet long with a big knot at the end he would hold. Sometimes my dad would loop it around the horn of my tiny kid saddle and I would reign Clyde, but I also had a short attention span and would forget to reign or drop the reigns, so from the back of our yellow palomino, Bo, he would lead me and Clyde along. We were nearing the end of our trail when my dad needed to ride ahead and help at the front of the herd. He looped the big rope around the horn, and told me to slowly bring Clyde to the corrals. I told him I would meet him there, and in a flurry my dad whipped Bo around and spurred him into a gallop across the field. I knew something was wrong the moment Bo dropped down below the hill's horizon. I could feel Clyde tense. His ears pricked up, his nostrils flared. He side stepped and tried to go faster than I was willing to let him. I pulled as hard as I could at the bit, but it was no use. Clyde bolted up over the hill and I remember thinking how mad I was at my dad for leaving his tiny daughter alone to handle this rather large, mostly fat, horse! Clyde didn't jump, and he probably wasn't even running that fast, but as we cleared the top of the hill I fell off the left side. It was a long way to the ground. I remember watching the stirrup flap past my face and Clyde's four white stocking feet flying past my nose. I landed hard on a rut and among the dirt and grass. Before I could really register that it was over, my dad was helping me up. He had heard my yells and watched Clyde peak over the hill with me flopping around on the saddle. He picked me up off the ground and turned my palms over to see the scrapes in them from the dirt. I'd like to say I wasn't even crying, but pretty sure I was and I just blocked that out. That was the last time I would ever ride Clyde for many years. I was at least 14 before my dad finally convinced me to get back on Clyde--he had been branded as a wild demon in my eyes!

Clyde and I spent five years riding in 4H and trailing cows until his back leg became infected. It was serious enough that he would never put weight on it again. I remember stopping at the vet's when my dad bought a huge syringe filled with bubblegum pink liquid. Euthanasia looks beautiful for such a deadly drug. My dad brought home a back hoe one day and dug a large pit in our lower fields. The next day a man came and helped my dad lead Clyde into the pit, and place the beautiful, pink syringe into a vein. Clyde was not a wild demon. He was beautiful, and I will never forget the feel of his mane in my hands or the way he took flying leaps over the tiniest of puddles. He hated flies, and he loved eating. He is my first memory of danger, and also some of the best memories from growing up on a farm.

My Old Man Crush

I did some research on music and its affect on people, and I realized why I love music. Did you know they use music as therapy to treat some diseases? The meaning or essence of the song can have a strong enough impact on a person to make them feel better. It creates a psychological change in a person. I love music. I love finding and hearing new songs that have meaning to me. I listen to Country music, and I know, I know most people hate that genre, but get over it. I love it. I play it in my office whenever I work at the desk, and the only thing better than country music is country Christmas music!

A couple weeks ago I told my sister, Holly, that Alan Jackson is incredibly attractive. I've thought that since I was a teenager, and he is kinda like cheese. The older he gets, the better he gets :) His latest song, "Long Way To Go," has been on replay on my computer. At first the lyrics seem sad since he is trying to drink away the memory of a woman, but you almost don't realize since the music is so up beat. As he starts drinking away her memory he finds a bug in his margarita. Dang it. That's gotta be depressing. His escape has a bug in it! He continues to sing about the bug and woman, but by the end he "threw back [the] margarita, the bug just made it sweeter, and we both sang a happy song." It starts out sad, but by the end, the bugs became sweet and the song became happy. I love this song and Alan Jackson :)

Halloween Cake Pops

Yesterday was a day well spent. I promised myself that if I do my homework over the weekend I can spend Monday night cooking. I few weeks ago I bought food markers so I can write on chocolate. My mom also sent me a picture of Halloween cake pops, so I skipped FHE and baked instead. Much better plan :)

They obviously need some more practice, but they were still fun.

My Life is Good

1. There is snow in the mountains.

2. I didn't even ask, but my friend, Mac, filled my car with antifreeze.

3. "Perfect love casteth out fear" (John 4:18).

4. My Aunt Darla. She has no less than 30 nieces, nephews, kids, grandkids, great-nieces and nephews, yet she still send out holiday, birthday and just-because packages. I only have five

nieces and nephews, and here it is 3 weeks past Will's birthday, and I still haven't mailed his birthday package. Darla makes me want to be a better person. I love her lots.

My Halloween Package of Goodness!

I will love these since the snow hasn't even stuck yet, but my toes are already cold!

Every package Darla sends is filled with confetti. You would think after years of opening confetti filled envelopes in my car, kitchen, post office ect ect I would have learned to open the over the garbage can! Nope, opened this one on my bed, and you can't see it very well, but there is a large amount of purple glitter in my bed now. Slow learner. :)

My toes will be warm! :)

My life is good. In fact, it is great!

For Dr Burton:

Professor Burton,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

What I've Realized

I think it is this post that made me start blogging again. I wanted to share some thoughts, but I didn’t want to post them via facebook. This is what has been on my mind for the last month or so.

The other day I had an epiphany. I am not using this word because I think it sounds cool; I am using it for the dictionary definition which defines it as “the sudden realization or comprehension of the larger essence or meaning of something.” It came while watching CMT music videos and Martina McBride’s latest song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It.” The song tells the stories of cancer survivors and patients who come to realize just how much they are loved. Some explain that they were at first afraid of being a burden to those around them; however, they soon understand that those who love them are not burdened by their health. In fact, they rise to the occasion and strongly stand next to those that need them most.

I have come to understand just how much my family loves each other. I was shocked at the support I personally received in the last six months, and even more shocked by their love in the last month or two. Pre six months ago, I have never been on the active receiving end of family love. By this I mean that I have watched other family members experience pain, and I have struggled to let them know how much I love them and wish I could help more. I think it is harder to be loved than it is to give love. It is easy to love someone and to stand by them in their struggles. It is harder to be humble enough to accept help and love and then to turn around and try to make the givers understand just a small amount of your gratitude for not abandoning in times of need. It is much easier to love than to be loved.

I’ll be honest—I may or may not have gotten a tad teary eyed at the gym. I realized how much I have depended on those loving me, and how brave they are for doing so. I wish I could make them understand my gratitude.

I'm Back

I didn't think I would keep blogging after my spring class, but, believe it or not, I missed blogging. However, I am not making any promises of consistency. I am also not publicizing this blog like I needed to do with my first class blog. I got over my fear of public writing, but I don't know if I am brave enough to self promote my public writing.

I don't know what it is about sleeping next to Daffy, but it they are the most peaceful naps I take. :)